... As Those Who Will Not See

Disclaimer: WEP owns Voltron. I just play.

… As Those Who Will Not See

When Lance returned to their quarters after classes, he found Sven sitting very still on his bunk. At first, he didn’t think anything of it; Sven often sat very still when he was meditating or studying. Groaning softly, he let his heavy bag of books fall from one abused shoulder to the floor, where it landed with a resounding thump.

Sven started a little. “Lance?” he said, looking directly at him. “Is that yu?”

Lance frowned. “Well, who else would it be?” he asked, unable to stop the edge in his voice; yes, today had been his long day at classes, with the two hour Applied Ballistics lecture, but Sven had no call to pretend not to know who he was.

Then he realized that Sven wasn’t looking at him, but was somehow focused about a foot to his left. “Uh, Sven?” he asked, waving one hand up and down. “You all right?”

Sven gave the snort that Lance had eventually learned passed for his chuckle. “Ja, I’m fine,” he replied with a tiny smile. He was looking through Lance’s shoulder now. “Except for not seeing anything, that is.”

“What?” Mouth hanging open in disbelief, he just stared. “What happened? God! I thought you said…”

“I’m fine, Lance,” Sven replied firmly. “It’s… it’s an experiment.”

“An experiment,” he repeated flatly. There was no way he was being serious.

“Ja,” was all Sven said, and now he seemed to have pinpointed just where Lance was standing, but was looking at his chest instead of his face.

Lance sank onto his own bunk, hands running shakily through his hair. “My heart attack wasn’t scheduled until next semester, Sven,” he retorted, his tone as caustic as he could make it. “What the hell are you doing this for?”

Sven didn’t move; didn’t even twitch an eyelid. “Because I vanted to know vhat it vas like,” and his accent grew even thicker. “Keith said one of his friends had been blind since birth, and I vondered about it. The limitations he must have had… everything.”

Now that he was studying Sven closely, Lance could see that Sven’s eyes were nearly completely white, as if a milky film covered the irises. “What’s that? Your eyes look kinda weird.” he said, standing again and moving to get a closer look.

This time, Sven definitely shifted, and Lance became aware that his roommate only knew that he was moving; he had no idea just where Lance was going. “When pilots get flash blindness, the doctors put inserts in their eyes, to minimize the flashes. The thicker the insert, the less they can see. These are the thickest ones they had.”

Now that his heart was returning to something approaching a normal rhythm, it struck Lance that Sven could have just as easily – maybe even more easily – taken away his vision with a scarf or bandana. “So why didn’t you just use a blindfold?”

“It vas too simple.”

“And that means… what?”

Sven looked away, toward the darkest corner of the room. Is he getting any kind of light and dark with those things in at all? Lance asked himself.

Quietly, Sven replied, “It means I’d be too tempted to take off the blindfold vhen things got…” He paused, cleared his throat. “Besides… I wanted to know. Keith’s friend… there vas nothing the doctors could do for him. He’d never be able to see. He could never be a pilot, no matter how sophisticated the equipment he used…” He swallowed. “And I wanted to know what that was like.”

And just like that, Lance saw. “But Sven,” he said, his tone as gentle as he could make it. “You still don’t know what he felt. He never knew what it was like to see; he just knew he’d never be able to. You know that the next time you go to the infirmary, the doctor will take out the flash blindness implants and you’ll be able to see again. You know what seeing is… but you’ll never know what it’s like to know you’ll never be able to see again.”

Silence stretched out between them. Rather than look at Sven, painted gold and red in the waning evening light, Lance closed his eyes.

“Ja,” Sven murmured. “I know. But it’s as close as I could come.”

Lance nodded, then rolled his eyes at himself; Sven couldn’t have seen the movement. “Yeah,” he agreed softly, and looked over at Sven once more. “So what’s it like? Knowing that for just this little while, you couldn’t be a pilot?”

“Vhen that’s all I’ve ever vanted to be?” Sven gave a little huff. “It’s damn hard, is vhat it is.”

“I’ll bet.” Lance shuddered. No matter how much he sympathized with Keith’s friend, that was one thing he didn’t want to endure. “You’re a stronger man than I.”

One corner of Sven’s mouth curled up, but he said nothing.

After a few more minutes of quiet, Lance stood up, grinning. “So as long as you’ve got the implants, let’s have some fun. We’ll go down to the cafeteria, I’ll wear some dark sunglasses, and we’ll freak people out by saying we’re the blind leading the blind.”

Lance would always count it as a success that Sven actually laughed.